Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Desire

"All my life I have been haunted by the obsession that to desire a thing or to love a thing intensely is to place yourself in a vulnerable position, to be a possible, if not probable loser of what you most want."

-Tennessee Williams, American Playwright

How true. Sometimes I find myself so happy being with you that the thought of you leaving me is just painfully scary. But I guess like what Williams said, putting myself in a most vulnerable position is probably an expression of my utmost desire for you, for your presence in my life.

The Promotional Examinations are insane really. But it was through this Examination that I found true strength in myself, fuelled by you. Everything I did, it was all for you. To be able to set an example for you before I could speak words of persuasion was my ultimate aim - To persuade you to pull through this really tough period. Although it is also undeniable that we are in this state because of our delay in starting for revision, sometimes I just can't help but blame myself for not exercising proper discipline to motivate us to start earlier. That way, we wouldn't find ourselves amidst such intense physical and mental strain that we are at the brink of breaking down.

It's not the shame, never was. It was the fear of losing you, locally, or internationally. I shudder at the thought of the latter. But I think at the end of the day, good things come and go. Sad, but true. I think it's really selfish of me to think that way. When you truly love somebody, you'll set the person free. Right? But sometimes, it's just so hard, so damn hard. Memories, they will live. For memories reside not in the mind, but in the heart.

"And no, we're never going to leave either behind. You might have given up on yourself, but I will never give up on you. Not yesterday, not today, not tomorrow. Not ever."

-Ivan Tan, Singaporean Bred Goose in <3 with the BLP

posted@10:11 PM

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